Glass houses

This is a man who has called women pigs, slobs and dogs and someone who has said pregnancy is an inconvenience to employers, who has said that women don't deserve equal pay unless they do as good a job as men
-- Hillary Clinton

 

I was going to say something extremely rough to Hillary, to her family, and I said to myself, I can't do it. I just can't do it. It's inappropriate. It's not nice
-- Donald Trump, discussing his performance on CNN after the debate

 

- Mr. Trump has never treated women the way Hillary Clinton and her husband did when they actively worked to destroy Bill Clinton's accusers
- Hillary Clinton bullied and smeared women like Paula Jones, Gennifer Flowers and Monica Lewinsky
- Are you blaming Hillary for Bill's infidelities? No, however, she's been an active participant in trying to destroy the women who has come forward with a claim
-- Talking points circulated by the Trump Campaign this week, advising supporters on how to bring up former president Bill Clinton’s sex scandals in the wake of Trump’s failure to do so during the first Trump/Clinton Debate

 

Donald Trump bragged about his “restraint.”

His restraint, he says.

Restraint.

Trump boasted of his restraint.

Out loud. Trump actually claimed great restraint, as if that’s a trait he actually has.

 

You’ll pardon me for a moment?

 

OK. Sorry about that. I think I’ve got it under control.

So, Donald Trump says he showed great restraint by not bringing up Bill Clinton’s extramarital affairs during last Monday’s debate.

I mean, he would have, he wanted to, but he managed to restrain himself.

Because it was the the right thing to do.

Because dignity and class and like that, those are the traits Trump is known for.

That’s Donald Trump for you, restrained and modest. Everybody says so. You betcha.  

I …

 

What? Oh, now you need a moment? Sure. It’s a new rug, don’t want any accidents. Take all the time you need.

 

Good? OK.

Now where was I?

Oh, yes, so then, naturally, Trump being Trump he’s spent the last three days telling everybody he can about his heroic manly restraint (it’s huge, folks, YUGE) and openly encouraging his supporters to bring up Bill Clinton’s extramarital affairs.

This is nothing particularly new for Trump. He’s the guy who encouraged Russia to hack Clinton’s email – jokingly, of course, joking, we’re just joking – and coyly suggested gun nuts might win the race for conservatives if they were to, you know, provide some Second Amendment solutions with regards to Hillary Clinton, wink wink, kidding again of course, kidding, because there just isn’t anything funnier than jokes about murdering a woman who annoys you. Especially when you’re trying to prove how you’re not a rampaging hard-on of a misogynist.

Of course he’s also the guy who hid from military service in some rich kid prep school while he encouraged others to go fight and die in a foreign land. 

Prompting his fans to do his dirty work instead of soiling his own hands is pretty much his whole brand.

I digress.

So, Trump boasted of his restraint.

And, being Donald Trump, he then spent three days lamenting that he didn't go after Hillary Clinton by bringing up Bill Clinton's infidelities during the debate. Because Clinton "ambushed" him with Alicia Machado – the former Miss Universe who Trump called "Miss Piggy" for her weight gain.

Trump says he was taking the high road.

But he’s acting like the oafish jock who thinks up a lame comeback … a day after he got humiliated in public by the class brainiac and keeps trying to find a conversation where he can use it. Yeah, why don’t you make like a tree and get out of here? Huh?

Trump was taking the high road by not throwing Bill Clinton’s infidelities in Hillary Clinton’s face? 

Not exactly a bold move from a guy who cheated on his first wife with his second wife and cheated on his second wife with his third wife.

He also seems to think that fat shaming women is OK, so long as you do it in volume and as such he’s spent the last three days publically naming a list of women he considers fat and unattractive as justification for calling a woman fat and unattractive.

 

One day in the distant future students of logic will refer to this as the Trump Tautology.  

 

In the days since the debate, prominent republicans have rushed to Trump's support.

Men such as Newt Gingrich.

Newton Leroy Gingrich, a man who married his high school geometry teacher when he was 18 (and really, no creepy factor there, right, Conservatives? Nooo), then cheated on her (while she was in the hospital recovering from cancer) with the woman who would become his second wife. Then cheated on his second wife with his third wife – while at the same time attempting to impeach Bill Clinton for lying about having an extramarital affair. All of which, somehow says something bad about Hillary Clinton’s character, I guess. Apparently. Nothing to see here, move along, move along.

This tactic was so successful for Newt that it got him booted from office and made Bill Clinton into one of the most popular presidents in recent history.

But, yeah, Trump should listen to this guy, because Newt, he’s what Republicans nowadays consider an intellectual.

And in to further cement his intellectual credentials, Newt just had to weigh in on fat chicks. Last night during the annual Republican Spirit of Lincoln Dinner, SPIRIT OF LINCOLN DINNER BAWAHAHAH …

 

Sorry, won’t happen again.

 

… Newt opined publicly Trump was right about Miss Universe, Alicia Machado. Seems she really was a fatty and Trump had every right to fire her for being a huge giant enormous fat pig. Oink Oink.

But hey, that’s just Newt being Newt – the guy who ditched his older wife dying of cancer for a fresh perky newer model.

It’s not like all of Trump’s …

What?

Who?

Oh. Of course.

Today, Rudy Giuliani chimed in, saying the Bill Clinton “disgraced” the country with his affairs.

Rudy Giuliani, the man who "accidentally" married his cousin despite knowing her his entire life and then petitioned the Roman Catholic Church for a divorce while he was cheating on her with his second wife.  And then – Goddamn but these people are so predictable – Rudy cheated on his second wife with his third wife. But only after having an affair with his communications director in an apartment maintained at New York City taxpayer expense.

 

Maybe it's just me.

 

Gingrich yesterday floated a new conspiracy theory, one that is now raging out of control on social media and in the press, spread by conservatives desperate to salvage something, anything, from Trump's miserable performance on Monday night.

According to Gingrich, the Clinton Campaign for months planned the "Machado Trap."

Yes, that’s right, the Machado Trap.

See according to the theory, during the debate, Trump – classy gentleman that he is – was taking the high road of intellect and reason, going easy on the girl, considerate of her health I guess. Trump was shocked, given his restraint, when Clinton desperate and on the ropes from Trump's well reasoned and deliberate performance sprung her ambush at the last minute. Trump, according to the conspiracy theory, restrained gentleman that he is, was so shocked by Clinton’s unfair sucker punch that it tricked him into accidentally blurting out Rosie O'Donnell's name instead of Monica Lewinsky.

Or something like that.

The details are a little hazy, but the long and short of it is: Clinton tricked Trump into acting like a loutish misogynist.

Newt didn’t describe how his theory accounts for Trump’s “restraint” first inviting and then disinviting Gennifer Flowers to the debate.  You know, if he wasn’t gong to bring it up.

 

But let’s not let details ruin a good conspiracy theory or derail Newt’s promising political comeback, shall we?

 

 

Given Hillary Clinton's aggressive take no prisoners performance, the Trump camp should be damned glad he didn't bring up Bill Clinton's infidelity.

Oh, yes, they should give thanks for his “restraint” indeed.

First, because it was Bill's infidelity and not Hillary's.

And when you're the guy who's got a string of affairs and broken marriages in your wake and who spends a lot of time calling women fat pigs, it might be a tactical mistake to attack a woman for her husband's infidelity. Especially when your campaign already spends a significant fraction of its time telling everybody you’re not a howling misogynist, really truly you’re not.

Second, Clinton would have eaten him alive.

Look how she handled his comments about her email. That was supposed to be Trump’s big moment, his gotcha moment all the pundits would be talking about for days. But instead she brushed his comments aside with the practiced ease of somebody who faced down a congressional witch hunt without breaking a sweat or even raising her voice. And in three days since, nobody has mentioned Trump’s big moment. Nobody. Just as nobody buys into the nonsense Trump somehow wasn’t really a birther, but was engaged in masterful brinksmanship – even his friends think that’s pretty lame.

So, Bill Clinton screwed around?

What? Does Trump honestly think mention of it would, what? reduce Hillary Clinton to a puddle of sobbing lady tears?

Really?

No, of course not. Just as in that list of talking points above, Trump’s Campaign hopes to use Bill Clinton’s infidelity and Hillary’s subsequent decision to salvage her marriage as evidence that Hillary Clinton is some kind of traitor to her sex.

 

Gentlemen, as a fellow man I would suggest to you that might be a bad tactic.

 

And really, don't you think for one damned second Hillary Clinton – Hillary Rodham Goddamned Clinton – wasn't ready for that?

Hell, how could she not be?

Trump thinks he is some master poker player, but you don’t advertise your trump card by inviting it to sit in the front row.

What, you think Clinton didn’t notice the Gennifer Flowers bit?

C’mon. You strain my already sprained credulity.  

Hell, based on the evidence, I'd say she was hoping Trump would bring it up and, like a matador twitching her cape to enrage the dumb bull, she was very likely holding her sword just out of sight.

She’s had twenty years to prepare for that exact attack. She was goading him into it and smiling all the while.

Trump can snort and paw at the ground, but he is lucky, damned lucky, he didn't make the final charge considering his own history.

Clinton would have brought him down like a bad side of beef, bank on it.

But let's say it's true.

Let's say Newt is right. Sure. Let’s give Newt this one. He’s had a shitty couple of decades since he was thrown out of office, let’s be generous.

Let's say Clinton planned that ambush.

Let's say the Clinton campaign looked at Trump, analyzed his weaknesses, his bluster and bravado, his utter inability to ignore a barb or a taunt, his inability to control his ego or his temper or his mouth, his weakness around women, his infidelities.

Let’s say they then designed the Machado Trap with malice aforethought.

And he fell for it.

Even Gingrich admits Trump fell right into it.

Trump as much as admits it himself.  

He fell for it. And for the last three days he’s kept falling for it.

 

Now, can you imagine this guy, a man so easily led into ambush, leading America?

 

In the end, this is what we have:

An unprepared amateur who substitutes bluster and bombast for actual substance and preparation.

Or a professional of intellect and wit who’s been preparing for this moment her entire life.

Those are your choices.

Make of them what you will.

 

I think Donald just criticized me for preparing for this debate. And, yes, I did. You know what else I prepared for? I prepared to be President.
-- Hillary Clinton