Clonk!
Which is the sound a cat's head makes when it slams full tilt into a glass door like a coconut dropped from a height on to concrete.
Bonk! is the sound the second cat's head makes when it slams into the same exact glass door two seconds after the first one.
Stupid: [Clonk!] Ow! Ow! Ow! Shit, that's going to leave a lump! Damn my uncontrollable feline pounce reflex and lack of close range visual acuity!
Tubby: That's odd, why did he stop! Outta the way, Retar... [Bonk!] Ow! Ow! WTF? Why didn't you warn me!
Nyah! Nyah! is the sound a squirrel makes when it's sitting on the porch outside the glass door taunting the cats like the Frenchmen in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
What amazes me about this entire incident, aside from the fact that both cat skulls and the glass security door managed to survive multiple high speed collisions (and not for the first time either), is that the squirrel didn't even blink. She just pretended to ignore the cats from a foot away, washing her face nonchalantly, peering through the glass with an amused expression on her little rodent face and wiggling her whiskers.
Both cats staggered drunkenly around for a minute after primary impact and then pressed up against the door like urchins at a candy counter. The squirrel froze - and then after a minute twitched her tail, once, twice, three times, for all the world like a kid taunting a cat with a piece of string. The cats damn near went insane. The squirrel just grinned - and it was obviously that she was just being an asshole.
Hmmm, I wonder what that squirrel could do with a laser pointer?
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Update:
I'm not sure why, but this post has been linked to a number of cat blogs and forums.
For those of you surfing in from various cat related places, hello and thanks for coming by. You can find a number cat stories here on Stonekettle Station. Stupid, Tubby, and ShopKat provide endless fodder for blog posts. Start here.
/Jim
Why am I imagining a Borg squirrel with a laser pointer superglued to the side of its head?
ReplyDeleteWhat?
Dr. Phil
Squirrels with lasers! OMG! Run for your lives!
ReplyDeleteYeah, there's not a day that goes by that I don't hear that sound of cat-skull-into-glass-door, a furry little impact. For my cats, though, it's the birds that taunt them.
Still giggling. Don't give squirrels lasers. Then they would win.
ReplyDeleteWell, there is some balance to the force after all, as the store is related to me (from my mother, about my father, before I was born): there once was a cat, who did similar taunts to my father’s dog, sitting just out of reach beyond the length of chain (yes, you see where this is going). Well, sitting on the porch, rubbing his fur backwards chanting quietly “you want that cat don’t you, I know you want that cat” and unhooking the latch on the chain. This activity was followed closely by a “go get him!” and a shove to impart a little initial velocity to the dog. The cat survived, but never again taunted snoopy.
ReplyDeleteThis morning Kat was in the window seat and started to make a growling/chirping racket (the kind he makes when he sees "prey") There was a giant crow sitting in the tree.
ReplyDeleteHe was duly informed that no matter how big and tough he is, that crow would kick his ass.
Also, both my cats (even the stupid one) are smart enough not to run into the glass in windows and doors. The only time one of them has run into a door (or window) was our old rental when Kat can barreling across the house full speed to slam into the door to pitch a fit at a dog that was looking in the screen.
He almost knocked the screen door open, which I think was his goal.
I used to have a German Shepard that barreled full tilt into more than one glass door. No breakeage though. She'd go after anything that hopped or flew or trotted by.
ReplyDeleteAnd if just the screen was there, well, we learned real quick like how to repair and retrack sliding screen doors!!
WendyB_09