Why I hate the Amish

Oh shut up already.

I don't really hate the Amish - in fact I think that in general the Amish are a pretty cool bunch. They keep to themselves, don't get all evangelical, make excellent food, and are often the most outstanding craftsmen. Other than leaving horse manure all over the roads, I've really got nothing against them at all and wish more people were such good neighbors.

But, see, a couple of weeks ago I took on a woodworking job making Amish baskets for a wholesale customer in Anchorage.

What the hell is an Amish basket you ask?

Well, see you take a 5/8" thick oak plank, cut it to oval, and then very carefully cut a biased spiral into it using (in my case) a bandsaw (the Amish? I assume they use a hand-powered coping saw). You glue the rim back together and then push down on the middle to expand the spiral. Add a pivoting handle and base, and you have a collapsible wooden basket.

Like this:

From Stonekettle Station

The folded basket on the left is my spruce prototype. The one in the middle is the original that the wholesaler wanted me to use as a template. And the one on the right is the first production unit I completed (it still needs finish sanding and an application of Danish oil).

Here's the same batch with the production copy folded and flipped over so you can see the base:

From Stonekettle Station

These things are an enormous pain the ass.

First I had to find a source of reasonably priced red oak here in the MatSu. Oak is one of the most commonly used woods in North America - but red oak only grows in the eastern part of the US and lower Canada:

However, red oak is what the customer wanted, so red oak is what he gets. Fortunately I know most of the saw mill and lumber yard owners around here, and my favorite place, Poppert Milling in Wasilla, had recently imported some very nice planks in the right size and the owner gave me an excellent price (yes, for those of you paying attention, you can get red and white oak at Lowes and Home Depot - at about $12 a foot , not board foot, a foot per 8" wide x 1/2" thick plank - and I needed it at least 9" wide x 5/8", which is twice as much. And I needed a lot of it. Which would come to about twice as much for material alone as what I can reasonably charge per piece. Two words: Screw. That). Anyway, once I got the oak, I had to plane and cut it into 9"x18"x5/8" blanks.

Then I cut out the handle and basket portion on the vertical bandsaw. Then carefully freehand cut the spiral into the basket blank using the other bandsaw with the table set to angle cut, this is lengthy and nerve wracking process requiring continuous concentration. As you cut deeper into the blank the spiral becomes looser and looser, which means the blade tends to wander around unless you're paying attention. Additionally the cuts are on a bias, 5-7 degrees depending on the thickness of the wood and the saw blade. This is so that when you expand the basket the top of the outer part binds against the inner part, otherwise the whole thing would just pull apart like a big wooden spring. The bias has to be exactly right, too steep and the coil will pull through, too shallow and the coil will not expand far enough leaving a very shallow basket. Make one mistake, and the whole thing is scrap, you can't fix it - and that's a foot and a half of expensive wood I have to toss in the burn barrel.

Once that's done, you glue the rim back together, making a closed expandable spring. Then the whole thing has to be sanded, and the handle drilled and screwed into place. The screws are covered with wooden oak plugs and sanded smooth. And that was a pain, because when I tried to sand the plugs smooth on the disk sander - they burned, a common problem with oak and cherry. And so I had to sand them with a flap sanding wheel at low speed on the drill press, and that took about three times longer than I had budgeted for.

Next, the bases have to be glued and nailed on. And that's where I am at the moment. I've got to finish this pile today:

From Stonekettle Station

That's about 40 pieces there on the project cart. And once the bases are done, I'll do a quick powered finish sanding of the whole run, and then coat them all in Danish oil.

So, you know, if you don't see me for the rest of the day, I'm in the shop hating the Amish.