Jerkoff of the month - Yellow Ribbon Patriots (updated)

You know what chap's my ass?

This:



I purely hate these fucking things. Every single time I see one these idiot, pseudo patriotic decals stuck on the back of some monster oil guzzling SUV I just want to spit.

Yellow Ribbon Patriots - is there anything more contemptible than these people? If so, I don't know what it is. But then, my perceptions may be a little skewed here.

Support our troops?

Yeah, that's what it has come down to for America - a $2.95 magnetic sticker in order to assuage thirty years of guilt over how we treated the troops in the last unpopular and disingenuous conflict. Something that lets Americans pay lip service to the troops without actually having to do a damned thing. Order a box of these from someplace on the internet, hand them out to your friends, slap one on the back of your car - and viola! instant guilt free patriotism.

Somebody answer me this: How, exactly, does this stupid magnet support the troops? Is it the money that Yellow Ribbon Patriots pay retailers who buy from wholesalers who get this thing from a factory in China - a country that makes cheap AK-47's, which end up in the hands of the jihadists shooting at our troops? Or is it by buying a gigantic leviathan of a gas swilling SUV - thereby guaranteeing continued conflict and our resulting continued presence in the Middle East - to stick it on?

Where, exactly, does that $2.95 go?

Take one of the chief internet retailers of Yellow Ribbon Patriotism for example. The Patriotic Superstore (1-866-982-FLAG!, God Bless America!), sounds like Neocon headquarters doesn't it? Why should you buy your patriotic paraphernalia from them? Well, they tell you why, right there on their webpage header:
- 100% satisfaction guaranteed (if you don't feel more patriotic, we'll give you your money back)
- We will not be undersold (nobody is more patriotic than us, we've got a flag and the Statue of Liberty and a picture of our happy Christian White People Family (tm)!)
- Speak to a real person 24/7 - even on holidays! (hey the troops don't get a break, and neither does internet retail!)
- Shipped on the same business day, if ordered before 3PM EST (Order before happy hour, and you can start feeling patriotic right away!)

Notice what it doesn't say - it doesn't say that you should buy from them because they actually support the troops. Their "about us" page claims that they support the local PTA, Girl Scouts, and The Special Olympics - not one word about 'the troops.' And they are typical of the outfits selling this crap.

So, where does the money go?

I'll tell you where it doesn't go. It doesn't go towards armor for transports. It doesn't go towards bullet proof vests. It doesn't go to recreation funds. It doesn't go to military families that can't make their mortgage payments or grocery bills as the economy circles the drain. It doesn't go to pay for phone calls home for troops deployed into hostile zones. It doesn't go to the Airmen's Attic, or to Navy and Marine Corps Relief. It doesn't go to the Red Cross or the USO. In fact, it doesn't go for a lot of things that would directly support the troops. Where it does go is into the pockets of the retailers, it goes to China where the magnetic backing is made. That's where it goes.

And it sure as hell doesn't go to the 450 troops of the Kentucky National Guard, who are currently training in Wisconsin for deployment to Afghanistan. Here's the deal, the battalion has been in Wisconsin for a couple of months of training, and in a month they're leaving for the desert - for a year (and maybe longer if recent history is any guide). Some of these guys aren't coming home, at least not outside of an aluminum box.

Now, they will get leave before they deploy - but there's a catch.

See, due to some idiotic regulation and other such bureaucratic bullshit, they have to take leave as a unit - either they all go, together, or nobody goes (because it's just 'too hard' to keep track of them otherwise - man, do I loath self serving senior officers. "Oooh, that'll mean more work for me, can't have that"). So, to send the entire group home to Kentucky prior to deployment it'll cost about $60,000 (the price of two new SUV's, or about what it costs to install new carpeting in the Secretary of Defense's office). Now, the Army paid to send them to Wisconsin, but won't pay for them to go home prior to deployment. So, the soldiers' families have to come up with the money.

By April 15th - or about 12 days from now.

$60,000.

They found this out, oh, about a week ago.

So far, they've managed to raise about $5000.

So, let's review, shall we? These guys have been away from home for a couple months already, they're leaving for a year long deployment in the hot zone starting next month. Some of them will not come back alive (I don't know this for certain, of course, despite all evidence to the contrary maybe they'll be the lucky unit). And neither the state nor the Pentagon will spring to get them home for one last night with their families - because, hey, that might mean that the Joint Chiefs and the Generals, or the Secretary of Defense, or the Defense Contractors, or the rest of the assholes who gush empty platitudes such as "people are our number one priority, oooh fucking RAH!" won't get a new Espresso machine or an F-22 Stealth Fighter static display in front of their main gate, or the parking lot repainted or some other such high priority pet project. The troops have to raise the money themselves, otherwise they'll get confined to base for their final pre-deployment leave.

And where exactly are the Yellow Ribbon Patriots in all of this? Is the money they spent on those gaudy stickers getting the 450 members of the Kentucky National Guard Home? Are the YRP's out in force, raising pluperfect hell, demanding that the the State and the Federal government do the right thing? Are they gathering in Masonic lodges, and school gymnasiums, and libraries, and meeting halls across the nation and writing letters to their state government? Are they calling their congressmen and demanding that the White House do the right thing? Are they out in force raising money the way their grandparents did in WWII?

Oh fuck no, the Yellow Ribbon Patriots are not doing those silly things. They've done something a whole lot more effective. They've sent $2.95 to the Patriotic Superstore, and invested a whole fifteen seconds of their time to put those magnets on their cars. Yeah, they've done their duty by the troops. Guilt free patriotism - as long as it doesn't, you know, actually mar the paint.

And it's not just the Kentucky National Guard, this kind bullshit has been going on for years. Congress and the White House (including those who wish to sit in the White House) and the DoD and Patriots are all out there, milking the patriotic tit for all it's worth. The defense industry is getting rich. The Patriotic Superstore is raking in the dough (and don't try to tell me they're not, take a look at their paid placement on Google, you do the math). Yellow Ribbon Patriots all.

"We support the troops."

Yeah, forgive me if the gesture I give when passing a Yellow Ribbon Patriot on the highway has about four less fingers in it than the patriotic wave they were expecting.

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Update: Eric asked in the comments section if there was a fund set up to help these guys - they're the 201st Engineering Battalion, Kentucky National Guard by the way. The answer is yes, there is a fund.

If you would like to make donations, contact:

Sandy Childers 606-325-8787

Or send donations to:
United Way of NE Kentucky Inc.
PO Box 2063
Ashland, KY, 41105-2063

Make checks payable to: "UWNEK"
In the memo field put: "Family and Friends of 201st En. Bn."

NOTE: I am not asking anyone to donate. I am not attempting to guilt anyone into donating. I simply put the information up here as a public service. If you do, or do not donate I don't want to know - that's your business.