The Truth, it's out there. Way out there.

I get mail.

When I wrote the piece on Chief Warrant Officer Edwin Hill, I got a shitload of it. Mostly complimentary and flattering. Some from folks who actually knew the men I was talking about, or were at Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941 and just wanted to talk about it with a fellow Navy man. I enjoyed it.

When I wrote the piece on Malcolm Nance and waterboarding, I got a bunch of it. Some complimentary, some not so much, and a lot of it was incoherent hate mail. This amused me.

When I wrote about immigration and how I responded to the xenophobic asstard of a Scoutmaster, I got mail. Again, some complimentary, some telling me that I need to wake up! This annoyed me, especially the email that was in all caps.

When I put up pictures of some of the artwork I did for my novel, I got mail from a couple of folks who wanted to put the pictures up on their own scifi sites.

I get mail from fellow wood-turners whenever I publish pictures of my bowls.


And sometimes I get something a little, um, different:

From: Ron.[something vaguely Indian/Hindu sounding]@yahoo.com
To: stonekettlestation
Subject: Your Bowls
Mr. Stonekettle (I assuem that you are a Mister, if wrong I
apologize, english is not my first language, though I have lived
here for a long time). I saw pictures of your wood (alaska birch
bowls) on flicker, and I want to tell you that I am amazed
with your skill.

Ah, fan mail - I bask in the glow, though I am disturbed by the phrase 'pictures of your wood...on Flick[e]r'

I am most taken with bowls number 42, 45, 50, the ones
that have the symbols cut in the sides. I was very
excited to see these symbols on your site. These are very
unusual and they caught my eye right away, for reasons
that I will explain in a moment.

Symbols? Oh, the filigree. Sure, OK. He finishes the paragraph with some rambling compliments and a vague reference to my 'muse.'

This leads me to the reason I am writing to you today.
I want to ask you about something you might find disturbing
and even difficult to talk about.

Uh, what now? Surely he's not going to accuse me of stealing his designs or something?

I am an independent researcher in the field of
Cryptosymbolic Analysis...

Crypto-whatis? I was a cryptologist for twenty years, I worked at the National Security Agency, the Mecca of cryptology. Most of my friends are cryptologists. I've never heard of 'Cryptosymbolic Analysis,' but, hey, I haven't heard of a lot of things. Maybe it's one of those weird and obscure areas of language semantics or something.

...specializing in...

Wait for it. Waaaaait for it.

...extraterrestrial communications.

Words, they fail me at this point. However, it does explain why I have never heard of Ron's specialty, I never worked in the ET division.

Please, hear me out!

Oh, you bet. I can't wait to see what comes next. He rambles on for a bit, then gets down to business:

I search the internet for images containing common symbols,
and then compare those symbols to known non-human symbols.
The symbols on your bowls number 45 especially caught my
eye.  These are a perfect match for writings taken from a
crash sight in Soviet Siberia around 1962 (the exact
date is not known for certain, as of the secrecy at the
time).

Well, at least he's using a good scientific research method. You always want to start from a known baseline. But, and here's the real question, what the hell were the ET's doing writing their alien messages on my bowls? I begin to feel uneasy. He explains that there are more than one type of alien visiting Earth and provides URL's to a couple of websites where I can learn more. Then goes on to say:

You yourself might not realize this fact, but you have been in
contact with the Greys. It is most likely that you are an
abductee, maybe you have been "taken" many times without you
even knowing it.  This happens to many people. You might have
thought that you were just "making up" the symbols on your wood,
or maybe you thought you "dreamed" it, but that is not the case.
Or maybe you do know it and even welcome your visits to the
Greys (by the way the proper scientific term is "Reticulan
Zetiod" but I use the term "Grey" like most people in my field
of study.) I have seen many of these cases and I know how hard
it might be for you to accept but these symbols have been
implanted in your brain by the Greys. You may even have a
small device placed in your neck (it is microscopic and
can not be detected by our medical technology. The device
"feeds" images to your brain at the unconcious level. This
is the source of the symbols you are making.
Do not be alarmed by this.

Alarmed? No. Amused? A little. Disturbed? Oh, yes, very much so.

Many people are scared by the Greys they are powerful but
I can assure you that my research shows that they have
peaceful intentions towards us and are here to help us before
it is to late now that we have atomic power reactors and
bombs.  They are very powerful and are as far above us and
we are above the ants.  Could you communicate with an insect?
No. Unless you used symbols the ant could understand
at his own level of technology.  That is where I come in.

Oh, good, because I was wondering where Ron came in. I was also wondering why the inmates are given access to the internet or how exactly they manage to type with the straitjacket and all. Also, I wondered about ant technology.

Many abductees are afraid to talk about their experiences
because of the negative side affects. But I want to assure
you that I understand and will listen unjudgemental if you
can bring yourself to talk about it.  I would like to
discuss the symbols you are making. I believe they are a
message of peace and maybe even a gift of free energy but
I am unable to translate them without more information.
Perhaps you could send me your bowl forty five so that I
could make a translation. I can not purchase it because
unfortunately I only do this research part time but I
would be glad to give you full credit for your
contribution in my research. Also I wish to show
it to other researchers. Your other bowls forty two
and 50 would be fine too. If this is not acceptable,
I would be glad to return them to you because I understand
that you might be attracted to the symbols without even
knowing why.

Please reply to this email as soon as you can. I understand
if you are "gone" for a few days.

There was more, but I'm guessing you've got the idea now. Unfortunately for Ron, I think I sold #45 to Tom. I don't know if he'd be willing to part with it, even for 'research' purposes. However, I'll say this - if the filigree does contain the secret to free energy, I should probably have charged him more for it.

Also, I'd love to know what Ron does for a living full time, since Cryptowhateverthefuckitwas doesn't seem to pay the bills. However, I don't want to know bad enough to reply - though I did briefly play with the idea of sending him images of my 'symbols' and asking for a 'translation.' But, you know, that just seemed cruel - in a taunting the retard sort of way.

I'm guessing that he didn't trace my Flickr account back to this site (though it wouldn't be hard, all he'd have to do is run a google search on 'Stonekettle Station). It seems fairly obvious that he hasn't been around this site - yet. The email came via my Flickr account - not the account I have listed here. Let's hope it stays that way, shall we?

Yeah, mail, I get it. Sometimes it makes me laugh. Sometimes it scares the shit out of me.